Friends Don't Let Friends Take Home Ugly Men

The top shelf in my dorm looked like it was sponsored by Picadilly's, the local campus liquor store.  It didn't matter that I didn't become legal until my last year on campus.  If there was liquor to be had, I had it.  I didn't drink through out the week, but come Friday night, it was a ritual for me and the crew to imbibe right before we headed out to whatever union party or frat party was the place to be that night.

Renee was the bartender on most occasions and her concoctions found me dancing on top of the speakers at the Alpha house one night.  Those same drinks had us stumbling out of there at 5:00 a.m. trying to figure out if her dorm or mine was closer.  Renee was a fighting drunk, I was a dancing drunk.  Our rule was one of us can get sloppy with it, but not both of us.  Someone had to stay sober to ensure that both of us made it home safely.  As long as she wasn't fighting, I could get my dance on.

I had an affinity for a certain frat and one year their frat house ended up down the street from my dorm.  Unlike some fraternities with stable residencies, these guys just found a house they could afford each year and it promptly became the frat house.  So here I am giddy about the fact that not only was the house in close enough walking distance that I could stumble home without difficulty, but some guys from my home town would be attending as well.

This fraternity was known for their potent drinks and it was my turn to get my drink on, so Renee stood by as I did so.  I don't remember a lot about the night except that I ended up thrown over the shoulder of a fraternity dude out to prove to me that he wasn't as mean as he looked.  I also remember meeting Big Daddy Woo Woo and promising to road trip to his school, 45 minutes away, in the near future for their big founder's party. 

Watching all of this go down was Carl, you know, the guy from my home town.  Carl had been an escort in my debutante ball in high school and his cousin was my brother's best friend.  So in my mind, he was like family.  When he asked for my number, I gave it without a thought. At some point Renee and I stumbled back down the street.  Even though her room was two doors down from mine, she noticed that my roommate was gone for the weekend and decided to stay with me just to make sure I didn't puke all over the place. (Side note: I never puke). 

The phone rang at some point during the night and I heard Renee telling Carl that no, he couldn't come over and if he was still in town later, she'd let me know that he had called.  What my drunk butt didn't know, but what Renee understood, was that Carl had watched me get toasted in hopes that he could creep on by later for a little easy action.  Yeah, Renee was trifling as all get out most of the time, but she had my back when it really counted.

Lesson learned: Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.  Being a designated driver applies in any situation where drinking is involved, even if you're walking.

Disclaimer: By no means do I condone underage drinking, but if you must drink, drink responsibly.