Oh Really?

I follow a few mommy bloggers on Twitter and have watched with fascination as one of them tweets about her football playing sons and their ACT scores.  It seems that said sons are having problems scoring at least a 15 and it could affect their ability to be recruited for college.  I'm sorry, what?  Having never relied on her sports acumen to get her into college, I can't really relate.  Yet here's a mother that's has verbally expressed that she's not really concerned with their grades or scores, as long as it's just good enough for them to keep playing football.  I wish I could say that this was the only case I've seen, unfortunately it's not.

I have a co-worker whose son was on academic probation his freshmen year in Catholic school.  She threatened to take him off of the team, though the school was more than willing to let him continue to play.  Ultimately she let him stay on the team.  He flunked freshman year and guess what?  He's playing again this year as a second year freshman. I just had to know why she would allow it. Better yet, why keep him at a school that clearly does not have his best interest at heart? Her answer, that's where his dad went to school.  Okay...and?  I'm happy that your husband went there and went on to college.  Your son has the potential to be a couch potato.  I'll check back with you a few years from now to see if he's worn a hole in his spot on the sofa.

And finally we come to a dear friend of mine whose son was a year ahead of PoS in school.  He's a brilliant young man.  He's been a straight A student for as long as I've known them.  In his first 8th grade year (yes, I said his first), he decided he wanted to play football in high school.  His father, a former pro player, decided that he was smaller than the typical high school player.  This was due to the fact that he'd skipped a grade when he was younger because, you know, he's smart.  Anyway, he and his father had the brilliant idea to have him repeat the 8th grade at another school to give him time to bulk up.  You read that right.  His parents put him in private school so that he of the straight A's could repeat the same grade in order to play football more effectively.

So now he's a senior. I know the whole school thing is a sore subject for his mother, but when we do our check-in phone calls, I feel obligated to ask how the application process is going.  When I spoke with her last week, she said they were waiting to hear back from schools.   Of course I asked which schools had they applied to, to which I was told, none.  They're waiting for scouts to finish checking their son out and then going with whomever offers the most money.  I held my tongue and redirected the conversation, but in my head I was screaming, he's smart! What do you mean you're waiting?  What in the hell are you waiting on?  Are you really selling your son short by hoping he gets into a school based on what he can do on the field versus what he can do in the classroom?

Is it me? Am I overreacting here?  As MC Lyte would say, "Just like a test, I cram to understand you."

Up, Up & Away

Happy Traveler

Unhappy Traveler

PoS will take off this Thursday for her first solo trip ever, after receiving an all expenses paid trip to visit one of the many schools on her list.  We're no strangers to the friendly skies, but she's never traveled alone. Is she a little anxious about it? That would be an understatement.

When she was first learning how to drive, she had to ask me how to get everywhere, including the same school she's attended for 5 years.  How do you just ride in a car and never pay attention to the route?  How do you just wander through airports across the country and never pay attention to where you're going?  Her answer is, "That's what I have a mom for."  So in addition to everything else, I'm her navigator?

We're an iPhone household so, to put her mind at ease, I started looking for apps that would make her trip a little easier.  Her airline has an app that allows her to check-in and use her phone as a boarding pass.  How jealous am I about that? I've yet to travel to a market that allows phone scanning for boarding.  I also found an app that maps 68 of the largest airports in the country.  Tomorrow night we'll work on mapping her route from the gate to baggage claim, where a university rep will meet her.

She was just as apprehensive about taking the metro at the beginning of the school year and she now navigates it like a pro.  I have no doubt that she'll master solo travel as well.  She'll have to, right?

Undergrad: The Best 4 (or 5) Years of Your Life

It seems like such a cliche to say so, but I really believe that college is the best 4 to 5 years of your life. Where else can you live off of $ 20 for a month? At what other point in your life will it be acceptable to wear the same clothes days in a row? Unless you're lucky enough to land a job where your work hours are noon until 3, at no other point will have so much time to waste doing absolutely nothing while having fun doing it.

My Advice for College Students

1. Going in undecided isn't the worst thing in the world. Use the time to discover your passion.
2. If you must change your major, try not to wait until your senior year to do so.
3. The weekend starts on Thursday so try to avoid taking Friday classes if at all possible.
4. The freshmen fifteen is real. Do something about it before it becomes the senior sixty.
5. Don't leave your textbooks lying around, especially during finals. College students are too broke to worry about whether or not it's morally wrong to 'appropriate' your book, especially if it's an engineering book. They bring in big dollars at book buy back. Don't ask how I know, just trust me.
6. Get to know your professors. You'll need their recommendations for grad school.
7. Know someone in the financial aid office, the dean's office and any other office that can assist you.
8. Join student organizations that are related to your major for networking purposes. And join a few that are just for fun.
9. Call/text/e-mail your parents at least once a week. This will save you from pop-up visits when they begin to worry because they haven't heard from you.
10. Live, love and learn!

I have very fond memories of my time in college and with few exceptions, I wouldn't trade it for anything. So what about you? What life lessons learned on campus would you share with someone heading off to school?

Know Somebody That Knows Somebody

I was lucky enough to have a full tuition with room and board scholarship in college.  What I didn't have was additional money for books and necessities.  Those necessities being pizza, trips to the mall, etc.  Initially I was given a monthly allowance by my mother because she didn't want me to work while I was in school.  That, coupled with the fact that my student ID could be used as a credit card on campus, allowed me to buy textbooks.  Of course the bill for those charges was sent home and had to be paid before the beginning of the next semester.

Thanksgiving of my sophomore year I reminded my mother that I had a balance and that it needed to be paid before the current semester was over so that I could register for the next one.  My mother announced that she was no longer paying my bill and I'd have to figure it out.  With the knowitallness of a youngster, I figured I could just deal with it when I got back to school.

I had long heard rumors about the infamous Greta Hogan, the financial aid guru, but I'd never had cause to meet her.  I stopped into her office hoping she could point me in the direction of a loan to cover incidentals.  I waited forever only to be told by her that my mother made too much and that I didn't qualify for anything.

Shell shocked, I wandered back to my dorm where I proceeded to tell whomever would listen that I was going to have to go home because I couldn't pay my book bill.  As luck would have it, I ate most of my meals with a bunch of upperclassmen from back home.  They started grilling me with questions.

Upperclassman 1: Did you go to financial aid?
Me: Of course I did. Where else would I go?
Upperclassman 2: Did you see Greta?
Me: Of course I did.
Upperclassman 1: Did you see Dean Jefferies? What about Nate Banks?
Me: Well no.  Y'all only told me about Greta.
Upperclassman 2: You need to go see Dean Jefferies or Nate. If they can't help you, go see Bruce at the Black House. Tell them what's going on, get a sign off from them and then go back to Greta. 
Upperclassman 1: And if none of that works, start crying in front of Greta and tell her you're not leaving until she finds something.

You know what I did, right? I made the rounds, got papers signed AND cried to Greta as I camped out on the floor of her office.  She magically found a loan that covered the current book bill and any futures.  Best of all, I didn't need to submit parental income or signature for approval and it had a really low rate.

I told PoS this story because my younger sister suffered, and still suffers, from an acute case of knowitallness.  When she left home for college fifteen years after me, she didn't bother to make friends with anyone of similar background.  She was too busy chasing the glamorous life, provided by a mother that paid tuition, room and board and incidentals in full.  There was no financial aid because she never filled out the FAFSA form and my mother was unaware of it because I always handled it when I was in college.

By her junior year this chick had changed majors so many times that no one knew what she was majoring in and, thanks to privacy acts, no one had seen her grades.  My mother issued an ultimatum that unless she saw grades, she was cutting her off financially.  Ms. Knowitallness was okay with that until she realized that she had no way to pay for anything, including the dorm room where she slept at night.  She panicked and called me when she realized what her quest for independence had cost her.

Knowitall: I'm going to get kicked out of school and put out of my room. Why is your mama trippin?
Me: Um, what do you want me to do? You were as wrong as two left shoes. Just show her your grades already.
Knowitall: Why? I made them.
Me: Yes, but she pays for them.
Knowitall: Naw, I'll just figure this out myself.
Me: Okay, so what's your plan?
Knowitall:
Me: Well what do your friends say?
Knowitall: About what?
Me: About who you should talk to, like someone in financial aid or a dean.
Knowitall: My friend's parents pay for everything. No one is on financial aid.
Me: Oh, for real? Y'all have it like that?
Knowitall: Well, yeah.
Me: No, your parents have it like that. I suggest you find the financial aid office and throw yourself on the mercy of someone up in there.
Knowitall:
Me: Okay, well call me back tomorrow and let me know how it went.

I hang up with Ms. Knowitall and not five minutes passes before my brother calls.

Clueless Brother: Your sister just called me hysterical talking about she's about to get evicted. I need to give you my credit card number so you can handle this.
Me: Uh no.  Little Drama couldn't get the reaction she wanted from me so she called you. I've already told her what to do.  She's grown, remember?
Clueless Brother: Yeah, but they're going to put her out.
Me: Dude, she just got there. They're not hardly going to put her out. Put your card up and let me handle this.

Within days Ms. Knowitall had secured loans to cover her school costs in full, my mother still never saw a report card and today she is paying those loans off.  In essence, she's paying interest on money she could have paid out of pocket to begin with had Ms. Knowitall not been in such a rush to be an adult.  Both of them could have saved money upfront if they had asked someone about the FAFSA.

I'm Not Mother Theresa, I'm Just Ya Mama

As a parent it seems like there's so much to teach your kids before they leave home.  Some parents do a great job, others not so much.  When I was growing up, and even now, my mother's life as a teen and young adult was somewhat of a mystery.  From what I can tell, her life started in college where she didn't live on campus, but instead lived at a home run by nuns called The Beulah Residence.  There's a protective layer around her that I've stopped trying to penetrate.  I can only imagine some of the pitfalls I could have avoided if she had been more willing to share what I call "the real side" of her.

I try to be very open with PoS.  In fact, I probably tell her more than she ever wants to know about my childhood, high school and college years.  All of this is in an effort to teach her life lessons so that she won't have to learn them the hard way like I did.  This week I'll share some of the things I've told her in a series called, I'm Not Mother Theresa, I'm Just Ya Mama.  

Drinking until my gums went numb? Yep, I did it.  Trying to figure out if my dorm or my friends was closer when we stumbled out of a party at 5:00 a.m.?  Guilty!  Throwing myself at the feet of the financial aid guru when I found myself short on money? Heck yes that was me!

In the words of Bill Cosby, stick around, you just might learn something.

Blowin' Up My Phone

My school starts us on the college process as early as 10th grade. Now, this might not be an accurate statement, since all they really have us do is take a Pre-SAT test. It's half a day of school where we don't go classes, we shut down the English wing to take the test. However, they don't fairly warn for what this test is going to mean to you, especially if you're a genius like those of us who wrote in our email addresses in that little box at the bottom of the information sheet.

That was one fatal mistake that they should have warned us of.

Now, fast forward a few months to when I actually check the email account that I wrote down. Since I don't look at it very often, nor do I use it for anything so it's mostly devoid of spam, you can imagine my surprise to see upwards to 500 messages in my inbox. I should tell you that I have random spurts of OCD come over me, that being one of those times, I was more than anxious to get rid of those annoying emails that had taken over my previously abandoned inbox.

When we had to take the PSAT again the next year, I was smart and didn't write down my address. It didn't matter. I'm still getting emails from miscellaneous colleges offering "last chance to sign up for a visit," or reminding me that applications are up and ready to be filled out, and if I see one more from Mount Holyoke, there will be words. Granted, they'll be muttered furiously to myself and no one else will the wiser, but words nonetheless.

And to put the cherry on top, I have recently fallen into the smartphone craze, first my beloved Blackberry, and then my iPhone when said Blackberry decided it didn't want to charge anymore. Insert fatal mistake number 2: my phone vibrates and dings whenever I receive an email, which, thanks to the College Board and at least a hundred schools across the country - oh, and Barnes and Noble at about 1 a.m. every morning - is about 30 times a day.

My patience isn't wearing thin, it's already 95 lbs in a wet t-shirt and crying at the paparazzi to let it alone. I fear that only this cat knows my pain.

Is It Her or Is It Me?

So I'm struggling to raise this snarky teen with quite possibly the driest sense of humor imaginable and she's driving me crazy. She's so blah, so passe' about everything. I don't remember being like this at her age. I won't say I wasn't, just that I don't remember it.

We've gone round and round about college. She's not sure about what she wants to major in. I've told her repeatedly that she doesn't have to know. Granted it would make searching for specific scholarships easier, but if she doesn't know, she doesn't know. I'd really like her to go in undecided, take her general ed courses and then figure it out. Problem is her two best friends are brainiacs and both of them know what they want to major in, at least they think they do. I've told her they'll change their minds fifty-eleven times before they really figure out what they want to do. I'm 38 and I haven't figured it out yet! But I'm just Mom, what do I know, right?

Anyway, there's always three sides to every story.  You'll hear mine, hers and you can figure out the truth.  Join us on our year long journey from high school senior to college freshman.